Santa’s new ride
InsideDirtRacing.com has learned that Santa Claus has taken the highly unusual step of changing the brand of his sleigh’s chassis on the very eve of his highly anticipated trip around the world. Sources, who asked not to be identified, report that elves were working feverishly to prepare the new ride just hours before it is set to launch filled with toys for potential racers all over the globe.
Our source placed a hidden microphone within the secretive North Pole garage that houses the world’s most famous four-bar chassis. As a result, we captured audio of the frantic elves making final preparations.
“Hurry and get those shocks and springs adjusted,” screamed one elf in a high pitched voice. “I’ve only got a few minutes to get this wrap on so the sleigh is bright red like it’s supposed to be instead of flat black like the body fabricators brought it to us.”
Making a change of this nature is highly unorthodox for such an experienced driver and crew just before a crown jewel event such as Christmas. However, rumors have been flying out of the North Pole that pressure had been mounting since last spring when the Easter Bunny completed his rounds in record time after re-engineering his rear suspension, the Cotton Tail. Also, the Tooth Fairy has been brushing off progressively faster runs with each enamel-laden journey.
“I just want to quiet the rumors right now,” the driver also known as Kris Kringle declared during a telephone interview. “I know some think it seems a bit fishy that I named the new sleigh the Kringle-horn and that its design looks remarkably similar to another brand of chassis, which I just happened to purchase about six months ago, but this is my very own unique design.”
Claus went on to state that those who continue to perpetuate rumors that he has simply renamed a copy cat chassis will suffer serious consequences.
“Anyone who continues to pass along these false statements about my new ride will receive a lump of something from my sponsor, Friends of Coal, in their stockings on Christmas morning,” the usually jolly old chief of the elves stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
The red-clad gift giver did say that the good racers around the world could expect to find presents from CB Racing Collectibles and PPM Racing Products under their trees this year.
And what will Santa do after his mission has been completed?
“I’m going to take a vacation to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee and have a meal at Huck Finn’s Catfish during my stay in a Bluff Mountain Realty cabin,” he declared. “Then I’m going to go to Knoxville and get myself a new RV from Tennessee RV so Mrs. Claus and I can travel around in style rather than in that open air sleigh.”
Santa will continue to use the same engine brand he has relied on for years, the Red Nose 450, which is built in house at the North Pole-Position Engine Design shop by his elves. He will continue to have his ride shod with American Racer sleigh runners as well.
In all seriousness, Richard Allen and Michael Moats would like to take this opportunity to wish those who have taken the time to visit this website during the past racing season a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
